What to do with my defiant BRAT pre-teen that won't listen and says "I'm ignoring you... I'm not listening."?

Try to remember that he is no longer a little boy. He is at the stage where he is growing into his own person and is trying to figure out who he is and needing a little freedom to do so. Pick your battles and let him know that with proper behavior, he will be rewarded. Sit down with him when you are both in good moods and ask him what he feel you are too strict about. LISTEN to what he says. See if you can agree to a compromise. You may find that you are indeed being too strict in certain areas and not strict enough in others. Ask him what are fair punishments and fair rewards. If you approach it like a business plan, you can keep your emotions in check. You will be surprised how your sons behavior will quickly change. You aren't letting him be in control, but you are letting him feel as though he is being heard.